Selfish or self-involved?

If I were asked about endearing qualities a person could possess then I doubt that 'selfish' would be one of them. Would I want someone who is described as selfish as a potential friend or partner? Probably not. Being selfish typically conjures up negative connotations and I think for this reason, if most people were asked if they were selfish themselves the vast majority would say no - regardless of whether that would be a truly honest answer or that they were just kidding themselves.

But do a quick internet search around whether or not it is okay to be selfish and the consensus seems to be that it is and furthermore that it can actually be a good and healthy thing.  There is a lot of advice out there that suggests that taking time to think about and appreciate oneself is not only condoned but can often be a necessity in order to lead a fulfilling life, to help others, and to not be taken advantage of.

A lot of the time when someone is accused of being selfish what they are actually being is self-involved.  To be selfish is an active decision in that we consciously choose to put ourselves and our own needs above those of others.  Sometimes this is a valid thing and needs to happen to reaffirm our own self worth. Being self involved to the point of affecting other people and then not having the awareness of even having done it is far worse.  This is actually one of my pet hates; people who are so wrapped up in themselves, that their own needs and problems come at the expense of realising that no-one actually cares, and having no notion of how what they do or say affects other people. That, to me is 'selfish'.

I'd say then that it's okay to be selfish - look after number one because if you don't then who else will? Go after the things you really want. Do what makes you happy. Of course this doesn't mean that you can't do things for other people either - sharing, thoughtfulness, empathy, good deeds - all this is still possible whilst maintaining your own needs. And as long as this doesn't impact negatively on other people, by keeping an awareness of the consequences of your own actions, then as I see it everyone's a winner.